Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Delanceyplce.com 12/16/08--Princess Leia

In today's excerpt, Carrie Fisher, also known as Princess Leia, George Lucas and Star Wars:

"George made me take shooting lessons because in the first film I would grimace horribly at the deafening sound of the blanks from the blasters and the squibs that the special effects team would place all over the set and on the stormtroopers. So George wanted to make me look like I'd been shooting them for my entire Alderaan existence. So, he sent me to the same man who'd taught Robert DeNiro to shoot weapons in Taxi Driver and so the shooting range was in this cellar in midtown Manhattan, populated with policemen and all manner of firearm aficionados.

"I used to have this fantasy that in some distant Star Wars sequel, we'd finally stop all the shooting and screaming at each other and would go to a shopping-and-beauty planet, where the stormtroopers would have to get facials, and Chewbacca would have to get pedicures and bikini and eyebrow waxes. I felt at some point that I should get--okay, fine, maybe not equal time--but just a few scenes where we all did a lot of girly things. Imagine the shopping we might have done on Tatooine! Or a little Death Star souvenir shop where you could get T-shirts that said 'My parents got the force and jumped to light speed and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!' or 'My boyfriend blew Jabba the Hutt and all I got' .. etc., etc. You get the gist of my drift."But I have to admit, after a series of weapon instruction from a very pleasant ex-cop, I became quite proficient with an assortment of guns, including a double-barreled shotgun. Obviously my family was so proud. Because for Darth sake, I was always doing their endless stupid boy things.

"But back to the first film. Shortly after I arrived, George gave me this unbelievably idiotic hairstyle, and I'm brought before him like some sacrificial asshole and he says in his little voice, 'Well, what do you think of it?' And I say--because I'm terrified I'm going to be fired for being too fat--I say, 'I love it.' Yeah, and the check's in the mail and one size fits all and I'll only put it in a little bit!

"Because, see, there was this horrible fat thing going on! When I got this great job to end all jobs, which truly I never thought I would get because there were all these other beautiful girls who were up for the part--there was Amy Irving and Jodie Foster; this girl Teri Nunn almost got the part ... Oh! and Christopher Walken almost got cast as Han Solo. (Wouldn't that have been fantastic) Anyway, when I got this job they told me I had to lose ten pounds. Well, I weighed about 105 at the time, but to be fair, I carried about fifty of those pounds in my face! So you know what a good idea would be? Give me a hairstyle that further widens my already wide face!"

Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking, Simon & Schuster, Copyright 2008 by Deliquesce, Inc., pp. 81-85


Blogger Robert said...

BULLOCKS. The actors were all second rate, as were the star wars stories. They were never brought to fruition as Lucas bragged in 1977, "nine cinematic productions within 20 years (washingtone post)"

I'm not sure Lucas ever cited Joseph Campbell, but the influence is obvious, albeit shallow. I'm not sure 'lil fat miss fisher knows Joseph Campbell's work.

Carrie Fisher's (princess layme) self servient ramblings are museless and useless. She should continue masturbating and indulging in cocaine, i.e., her only talent besides giving head to jabba and jar jar and looking really hot in a couple scenes where she didn't have honey buns on her ears.

Perhaps a Lucas felatio fetish? Have the gorl wrap her pigtails around her ears, "...how do I hold my liquor, why hell, by the ears...". Carrie did say she loved it, and then admits to lying about it. Tough act to swallow. How choking.

6:53 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home